Have you ever been watching Pride & Prejudice and thought "Oh my gosh! I'm Mrs. Bennett?" Well, if you haven't, congratulations. I have much more compassion for her now that I am a mother and have tasted what it is to feel wholly responsible for not only myself, but several other people that I brought into the world. I may not be as vocal or as ridiculous, but I can definitely relate. One night recently my family drove to DC to see the Washington Monument, which we ended up missing because we left late and traffic was a bear. On the way home, I got so anxious because my kids were being loud and obnoxious and it was stressing both my husband (who was driving) and me. I ended up finally yelling at them and then plugging my ears and closing my eyes for the remainder of the ride home. It reminded me of that Frasier episode. You know, the one where Maris (Niles' invisible wife) spends time in her "sensory deprivation tank." Yep, sometimes I need one of those. When I got home I wrote about that anxiety that just grips me at times and won't let go.
Driving With Children
Anxiety is a cage.
With bars made from snakes and eels,
A roof made from a block of reinforced, pressurized steel that teeters, lifting and pressing down in tantalizing ways,
And a floor composed of a giant ocean wave.
Constant commotions prattle my ears.
Contentions scratch at my nerves and bleeding sinews.
Murderous screams pierce the air until even breathing and eating become too noisy.
There is no one to help.
No one to Save.
It is only me.
And the snakes.
And the eels.
And the pressurized steel.
And the ocean wave.
And the screams.
Tears release from my eyes, like someone unstopping a dam.
Drowning always seemed a miserable way to die.